Cup Ignorance

So, I am a member of another community. This community has a forums section where someone posted about a friend almost dying after forgetting a tampon inside of her for 3 months. The post ended in asking people whether they prefer pads or tampons. Surprisingly a number of the responses mentioned divacup and instead cups! Yaaaay. However, The most recent reply has upset me today:

..And Diva Cup? Really??? The idea of my menstrual blood collecting into a receptacle that I then pour into the toilet is really nasty. And then you have to clean it! I'm down with my period as long as I don't see blood outside of my body.

That comment was ignorance to the highest degree! The poster was basically insulting all of the ladies who had previously said that they were cup users and then knocked something that she obviously hasn't tried. I replied under her post with this:

The cup may sound nasty, but it really isn't. It's YOUR fluid from YOUR body. I actually came in contact with more blood when I used tampons than with my current LadyCup.

Ugh. I hate it when people go after something with an attitude when they don't even know about it.

Well, first of all, I think you did a good job with your response in that you didn't let it show that you were upset and you didn't get defensive. Well done.

That poster is obviously not comfortable with her body. Menstrual blood is totally natural, nothing icky or strange about it. And I agree with you, when I used tampons, I saw/touched a lot of blood. xp Obviously you see a lot of blood with pads too. I guess it's just this girl's loss that she is unwilling to try something that could work better for her.

Although it is too bad that she semi-insulted all of the previous posters who brought up cups. Meh. Like I said, too bad for her.

Thank you. I tried to keep it cool. lol.

I too respect you for keeping your cool. I do my very best to maintain a calm state in response to attacking statements... Especially on YouTube! But some people make it very difficult... You honestly wouldn't believe some of the rude, and horribly ignorant things people have said to me there... I do moderate my comment spaces, I tend to delete the insults, because they only stir up drama and turn the comment boxes into a chaotic, emotional battle filed instead of a place for people's honest, curious, and sensible questions to be answered. Its ok if someone states that they "aren't sure" about cups, or asks about a concern they might have, etc. But I will only leave it up if it doesn't sound like its "attacking" those who use it.

For example, a comment like this would be fine:

"I'm not so sure about this cup thing... It looks like it would be too messy, and I'm worried about weather its safe to use."

Something like that is a genuine concern, and the person is indirectly asking me to explain how the cup is clean and safe. Which I am ready and able to do, any time. But a comment like this:

"This idea is vile and disgusting! Only nasty, infected, hairy, beast women use stuff like this!"

Etc., etc. That sort of thing, I would earase, because it serves no purpose. It is nothing more than an insult that will start a fight. There is a difference between expressing a worry or concern, and insulting people. By the way, that is a direct quote of a comment I erased... But that's not the worst one. Lord, some of the comments I've seen, I just wonder how that person was raised, lol.

I've even had some nasty man ask me if I could do a... Oh how can I say this with tact?... A live demonstration (for his own pleasure purposes), and that's the very clean, G-rated version of what he said....

I am happy to report thought that 19 out of every 20 comments are either positive, supportive, or made from curiosity, and there is only one where someone might say something really ignorant like that.

I really appreciate it when a woman or girl is willing to listen with an open mind, and ask questions. But its very frustrating when I run into somene who-- no matter how many times you say that the material is medically safe and resists the growth of bacteria-- they STILL say its "disgusting", and they just cannot get past the idea of the blood "collecting in a cup", or having to take it out and wash it.

I really don't understand what the big deal is... They can't stand seeing the blood, or touching it with their hands, but its ok for the blood to be constantly inside their vagina??? Nortmally, its the other way around! lol. Something we wouldn't dare touch with our hands, we would be APALLED to have it in our vagina. Why is it so oposite with period blood? I mean, skin is skin, and your body is your body, weather its the skin on your hand, or the skin on your vagina. It's all YOU. Like it or not, that blood will be touching your body, your skin, 24-hours a day, the entire time you are on your period, because it will be hanging around your vagina. Its almost like some people think their vagina isn't part of their body or something, and only at selective times, lol.

As for not wanting to see blood outside the body... Absolute nonsense! lol. You WILL see it no matter what you use, there's nothing you can do about that. You HAVE to look. If you don't look, how will you know when your period is over??? Sure you can kind of feel it, but not always when you are just "spotting" at the end... And (I know its graphic, but...) you have to look and see after wiping, to know if you are clean when you change your pad/tampon. Most of us do sneak a look at a tampon too, after we take it out, because we need to know how full it was, and when we aught to change the next one we put in. And of course you will see it on a pad, because you'll be sitting there with your underwear at your knees or ankles in front of you. Then you have to peel the pad off and change it, and you KNOW you're gonna look when you do that... And just like a tampon, you have to look in order to know when your period might be over.

Ugh... Some people's logic is just so frustrating at times, hahaha.

*stepping down off my soap box now*

Yeah, I think there were these two girls in school that were spying on me when I was talking to myself trying to get my cup in and one of them on the bus was like

"Courtney, I didn't know you talked to yourself in the bathroom. What was up?"

I smiled and said "I was trying to get my menstrual cup to pop open"

she raised an eyebrow and was like "I didn't want to hear about you sticking things up your vagina!"

"Well, you wanted to know what I did! I mean, you stick tampons up there, don't you? You asked me for some one time"

"Well, those are supposed to be throw away"

"But they dry out your vaginal tissues, unlike tampons, their has been no cases of TSS associated with cup usage, and the chemicals in them mess up the pH of your vagina and cups are also good for the environment."

She was like

"I don't care about the environment and you are making it sound like science class all over again."

I made a facepalm in response. There was just no way of trying toconvince her at this point.

I understand you perfectly! That's what happened to me when I talked about menstrual cup with some friends of mine...their reaction was like "Puaaaah!! How can you put SOMETHING in your vagina??" and that's strange, because they actually PUT something in their vaginas for more than some days (two of them use the anti-comceive ring...NuvaRing or how is it called...it must stay inside for 3 weeks!)
I copied the sentence from my own presentation because it's so hard for me writing in English....!

Sekhmet wrote:The poster is obviously not comfortable with her body. Menstrual blood is totally natural, nothing icky or strange about it. And I agree with you, when I used tampons, I saw/touched a lot of blood. xp Obviously you see a lot of blood with pads too. I guess it's just this girl's loss that she is unwilling to try something that could work better for her.

Although it is too bad that she semi-insulted all of the previous posters who brought up cups. Meh. Like I said, too bad for her.

I have exactly the same opinion. If someone says something so bad about his own blood and nature (that mentruation is disgusting, that is a weird idea that of putting a cup in your vagina etc.) it probably means that this person have a problem with her body.
So I can't be angry with people like this because they have a problem, not me. Probably they had had a bad sexual education (I mean, what their mother have said about menstruation? About their bodies?) so now that they are adults, they have wrong ideas and lot of preconcepts.

But I would like also to show you an example of a "not-cup user" without preconcepts: my twin sister (Yay! Yes we are twins:). Well we obviously got the same education from my mother (and please note that it was the ONLY sexual education we ever got: in Italy it doesn't exist sexual class or similar at school). We both have a good relation with our bodies, we talk about menstruation and we don't hate our blood or similar...when I discovered menstrual cups, of course I asked also her opinion (that's when she called my Lunette "little funnel" ). Ok, she said she wouldn't feel totally confortable with the idea of a cup collecting blood, but she is intrigued and keep asking "how are you going with your funnel? Do you think it is a clean solution?" etc.
I mean that even if for now she told that she is not going to try a Cup, she doesn't thing that it's a disgunting idea and of course she doesn't insult me...on the contrary, I think that one day she would like to give it a try...

I hope you understood me, because I am quite tired and I suppose I have done a lot of English mistakes...

Eek, first of all, to Melissa - that is one CREEPY request you received from that guy. Bleh. Some people are just so, so strange. I hope you reported him if it was a youtube message, that certainly constitutes sexual harassment. I also agree that if you are so grossed out by seeing or touching something, isn't it worse if it's in your vagina? I know I'd be worried if I really felt that way about something. Meh, strange girl.

Also, LisBeth, your English was totally understandable. Don't worry.

I guess the main point is that we can't let the neigh-sayers (sp?) get us down. I find it amazing that someone remarked that only a "hairy, beast of a woman" would use a cup. I'm less insulted than amused by that, it's almost comical the way some people think. The way I see it is that everyone is different and everyone has to do what works for them. For instance, which is more "gross" (if that's what bothers these people): Using pads/tampons and getting infections from the pH imbalance every month or using a cup (or some other alternative product) that doesn't alter your vaginal pH? Personally, I'd rather be HEALTHY if the option is available to me...

I don't have particularly great body image, but I am very comfortable with my body and quite familiar with my vagina. I guess I'm just thankful that I don't sicken myself every month like these people must. How sad for them!

Melissa, I appreciated the soapbox! lol. I thought about myself during my period in regards to seeing the blood as the poster said. I remove and dump my cup without even looking at it. It comes out of the toilet bowl when I put tissue in it to do a quick clean. By then, it's less blood than I'd see on a tampon or pad. Not much blood seen there!

Tampons always freaked me out with their leaking strings and "swingage" when I pulled them out. Then, you've gotta take the time to wrap the bloody thing up in tissue to throw away. Tampons are not flushable! lol.

Yeah Lisbeth, your writing is very fluent. If I didn't know English was not your primary language, I would say it was. I mean, my grammar on the other hand can be atrocious at times...

Yeah, I would definitely want to be healthy, I remember one time in third grade before my period when some antibiotics for strep throat messed me up and gave me a yeast infection. Not fun... plus, my gym teacher during sex ed in ninth grade told me about a friend of hers who died of TSS in college. She never used tampons ever since then.

I wish I knew about cups at the time, I would have totally told her about them.

Still, what I find funny is that the girl on the bus said "I don't care about the environment" I was sort of like "Oh bologna!"

I'm also pretty comfortable with my body, infact, I'm so comfterble, I can sometimes be unaware of it.

It ticks me off when people say they couldn't care less about the environment. I find it amazing that people chose to stay so ignorant. I am not a gung-ho environmentalist, but I try and do what I can. Every little bit helps!

Returning to those who "disapprove" of cups, I haven't mentioned my cup to anyone but my fiance for that reason. If I knew someone who could benefit from them, I would certainly tell them. Or if anyone wanted to ask, I'd be happy to talk about it obviously. But other than that, I think I'll keep it to myself. At least for the time being.

Blegh, people like that are so annoying.

I've been dealing with this exact same thing with my sister, I was all excited to tell her about menstrual cups, I know she has trouble with a heavy flow and such so I figured she'd be like "holds way more than a tampon and won't cost me a ton since I don't have to use a new one every hour? awesome!" instead I got "you have to put it inside yourself? then you have to take it out and clean it? that's so nasty, don't even talk to me about it, that's disgusting!" yeah...she can be a pretty thoughtless/negative person. I told her "it's your body, you should know what's going on up there and be comfortable with touching yourself, and it's just blood, you see it anyways when you use tampons." Her response was pretty much "no, touching myself is icky and I don't want to, and I don't look when I take my tampon out, I don't want to see any period blood at all."

Plus there's the fact that my mom had uterine cancer and my whole family has problems with their reproductive system, so you think she'd want something that can't cause cancer and doesn't contain toxins, oh well, I'll keep working on her.

It's incredibly sad to me that people can me so closed minded and afraid of their own bodies/a completely natural process. That's one wonderful thing my cup has taught me, my ladybits are awesome and beautiful and do amazing things, and I know what's going on down there and I'm not afraid of my body
Sadly I think other people just want to close their eyes and pretend they're like a barbie doll down there

I hate how menstrual blood has been completely deionized, like it is a toxic evil substance that but be disposed of in the most discrete, controlled and secretive manner possible. As if we don't have blood constantly circulating through our bodies.

I think people are afraid of cups because the blood isn't absorbed and held in place. Maybe they feel like they have less control.

Also, apparently being unconventional is far worse than being uncomfortable. I mean, I can't think of anything more personal than your period, and yet even in the privacy of our their own vagina some people are afraid to do anything except what society tells us is OK.

Finally, is it just me or is it less "gross" to have blood in the sewers than to have a garbage can full of blood soaked cotton? I live with three other girls and our bathroom garbage can is just that.

Agreed, I really couldn't stand it when company would come over, and I'd be like.... "Oh god! They're using the bathroom! I hope none of my girl stiff us visable anywhere!" Or when a family dog would drag things out of the trash....

Tell me, how is THAT discrete? lol

So I'm not the only one freaked out by the "trash trail" pads and tampons leave behind?! lol. I feel like my period--no my fluids in general, even snot--is personal. I didn't feel comfortable leaving it about in friend's trashcans. I didn't feel good making a mountain in the bathroom that I shared with my little brother each month, either. lol. I felt so...rude.

I agree, leaving disposables in someone else's home can be embarrassing. For me, it's not so much that I am bothered by someone knowing I'm on my period, but I feel like it's an inconvenience to them. I think "oh.. sorry that I'm having to leave bloody things to sit in your trashcan until the next time you clean it". It just kind of.. meh, I dunno how to work it - I'm sure you girls understand what I'm saying.

A couple of years ago, I was living in Japan with a host family and my best friend from high school. She and I always both got our periods at the same time. We always felt bad because we were using the guest bathroom, where the family usually didn't have to clean out the trashcan. Of course they were perfectly understanding (we lived with a married couple with 3 children, two of them girls), but we both always felt bad for making extra mess for them. Too bad I didn't know about cups back then!

Geez... remind me again how tampons are somehow less gross than pads? lol

Yeah, there was this lock in at our school for the girls and were were telling our most embarassing moments and this girl was at her boyfriends house and she was on her period and they had dogs so when she went into the bathroom and threw her pad away, the dogs ran around the dinner table with it.

Reminds me of how my dog, a border terrier, being a hunting dog that can track down blood, she will raid the garbage for my pads and hoard them in my brother's room. Of course, now she is going to be kind of confused that she won't be getting any monthly treats...

You know what I think the big think is? People are just scared if the idea of the blood remaining free flowing.

Honestly, I think that was one of my biggest concerns, before I decided to just give it a try, lol. And even then I made sure it was a day when I wore a pad "just in case" and I knew I was goign to be at home. I guess I figured if I was at home using a pad, what's the worst that could happen?

But like I said, my logic (before I was educated abotu it) was: "Yes, but a pad/tampon ABSORBS the blood, thus in theory turning it into a solid. So even if you bleed a littel too much, it will still get caught int he fibers... But a cup-- its always liquid, all the time, and nothing to catch it, should you bleed too much."

But then I realized that there had actually been MANY times when my tampon had soaked through, and I had leaked, because I was having a very heavy day and forgot to bring extras with me... As in, I thought I was only going to be awayf rom home for two hours, but it ended up being 5 hours! So I would have to hunt down a bathroom, and make a "pad" out of UNREASONABLE amounts of toilet paper... Then I would have to worry abotu it soaking through. Or god forbid (this actually DID happen to me, but thank god, nobody saw it) -- walking around, and the toilet paper pad, having no sticky bottom to hold it it place, slides out fo my underwear, and out my pant cuff ontot he ground! I was wlaking down a college hallway alone when it happened, nobody around, because classes were in session. But think if the hallway would have been full of people???

And of course, I had to admit that even pads had their problems... They DO leak if they are too full. And even if they don't, they can leak jsut because of the angle you sit/lay in, or the way you move. Anyone who has ever used one knows very well that whenever you go to the restroom, there is an awful mess to clean up! So complaining abotu a cup being "messy" was just plain silly. I can honestly say, I have come in direct contact with more blood on my hands using a pad, than I have with a cup. Especially is you have a heavy flow. And with pads, you never really feel clean...

I guess I just had to admit those things to myself, before I worked up the courage to try a cup. Or at elast read other women's statemets that reminded me of it all. Not that cloth pads aren't far more comfortable than disposables, but... Especially after the age of 20, I was really an "internal product" kind of girl. And the whole "silicone rubber" thing did seems kind of cool and futuristic

*SIGH* I'm starting to think that its not only about "cup" ignorance, its also about PERIOD ignorance in general.

Today, I had to delete a rather ignorant comment off my "cleaning a menstrual cup" video, where I demonstrate how to wash it in the sink, and sterilize it. A man got really upset at me cleaning it in the sink, and left this comment:

"Somebody is going to be washing their face in that basin! Have some consideration for other people!"

So I deleted the message, and then emailed the user, with a copy of their comment, saying:

"First off, its not as though period blood is toxic poison... Second, women get blood on their hands while using pads and tampons all the time, and then wash the blood off their hands in the sink-- so what's the difference? Third, yes, I'm sure somebody will be washing their face in that sink... And its the same sink in which my husband washed his hands after picking up the dog poo our chihuahua left on our carpet, and getting a bit on his hands... The same sink my husband threw up in when he didn't quite make it to the toilet, when he had the flu. Sinks come in contact with all manor of things. That's why you WASH them."

Sorry, I know that sounds really grouchy, but hey, its that time of the month

LOL! I actually think your reply was very clever. And it was not overly grouchy, it was deserved. I'm sorry you got harassed though, it's never fun no matter how meaningless it is. And yes, some people ARE just ignorant regarding periods. Sad, really. I pity women who are stuck dating such men. And I pity the women who are afraid of their own bodies. :/

lmao! Your sink's got some mileage and you were right to delete that dumb comment.

First of all, I saw this video and I found it so useful and helpful (really, you made such a great work in helping people to learn more about cups...I really appreciate it!)

The comment left by that man only shows how big can be the ignorance of people about things that are normal an natural...and also, in his opinion what sinks are made for? If I can't use them for washing me (from blood, dirt or whatever) then where should I wash myself? What's more, menstrual blood is not a toxic waste! And even if it were, people use to clean their sinks, so after the use they are still perfectly safe for users.
I am not angry with this poster, because probably he reacted at the video in this way because he don't know a lot about period..but it's sad that in 2010 there are still so ignorance about our anatomy and nature...I hope things will change one day or another...

Ok, I am exhumeting this post because today it happened something which really made me upset...so I wanted to tell you because I konw you will understend...

This morning I was with a friend of mine at the local hospital: we were in the queue area waiting for our turn to have the results for a pap-test we have done some time ago. So we were talking about femenine things to kill the time, because I've done the test for the problem I already mentioned before (my too much short cycle); my friend because of a sensation of itch she has been feeling for a while. At one point, my friend told me:
"You know? My mom saw at a supermarket a new tampon...a silicone-tampon, reusable!"
I already knew that in a local supermarked they started selling the LadyCup, so I answered: "Oh yes, but it's not a tampon...it's a cup, it's called LadyCup" and I explained to her the way Cups work. She is such a young and open-minded girl, that I was so surprised when she reacted like this:
"Are you serious?? It's such a disgunting thing? Oh, I tought it was a kind of tampon...it's orrible! So anti-igienic! No girl can seriously considering the idea of using something similar!!" At that point I was already upset, but I kindly explained that I considered the idea, and I have been already using a Cup for some months...
She looked at me like a monster then, and continued to ignore every answer I gave her ("yes, it's safe...you boil the cup before using it" "no, it's not impossible to change the cup outside your house" "yes, of course you can wash the cup with a gentle soap" etc.), so at the end I gave up and changed subject...

What I am wondering is: why a young, intelligent girl find so disgunting something so natural? I was explaining about Cups because, at the beginning, I tought she was a little confused (...how can a tampon be made by silicone?)...but then I realized that she was not only confused, but she simply considered Cups like a bizzare thing, just for freaks:( I was so disappointed...

Just give it a little time. I mean, this girl in my science class (not the one on the bus) after she understood where I was coming from, she came to the point where she accepted it as a good idea, but not something for her at the moment.

Usually when I tell people about cups, I'm not in the mindset where I want to convert them right then and there, but rather give them something to think about and inform them accurately.

The best cup ignorance response I've heard was something like this:

L: "I'm buying a menstrual cup."
K: "what's that?"
L: It's a little cup that you use instead of tampons. You rinse it and reuse it, so it saves lots of money."
K: " EW! That's gross!"
L: "Do you want me to order you one too?"
K: "Ok, if it will save me money, I'll give it a go."

and she says she's not a salesperson.

CUP IGNORANCE HAS BEEN RESURRECTED!! lol.

Anywho, I know the feeling LisBeth. Ignorance is just not cool. I think it's hilarious that she thought a silicone tampon was cool and a silicone cup wasn't. lol.